How To Know When You’re a Writer

by Jamie Campbell, in Musings (2 Comments)

Writers are weird. We sit alone in rooms, typing endlessly into computers. We stare out windows and call it work. We have a strange love for typewriters even though we’ve never used one. We’re a species unto itself.

So how do you know when you’re a writer? Is it the five hundred word story you wrote in second grade that gets you into the club? Is it that one idea for a bestseller that came while in the traffic?

Here is my top twenty list for how to know when you’re a writer:

1. You find yourself giggling while staring into space because the characters in your head just did something funny.

2. Your bag is full of napkins with names or ideas scribbled on them that came to you when least expected.

3. You talk about your characters as if they are your friends.

4. You live on tea and coffee. Sugar is your friend.

5. Natural sunlight hurts your eyes.

6. You can type faster than you can talk.

7. People look at you strangely in cafes because you’re describing in detail how you killed someone.

8. Your web browser would look really incriminating if the police ever looked at it.

9. Everyone you meet is analysed and recorded for character use later on.

10. The worse possible tragedy makes you think ‘that would be a great book’.

11. You receive a lot of pens and notebooks as presents.

12. You want to live in a castle like J.K. Rowling.

13. You know more made up people than real people.

14. You find real inspiration from Dr Seuss.

15. Your neighbours think you’re a drug dealer because you never leave the house during the day and yet somehow manage to pay the bills.

16. You pay your bills by filling in online surveys, swearing your big break is just around the corner.

17. Trackpants are your work uniform.

18. You are easily distracted by the internet, message boards, your phone, butterflies, stars, glitter etc. You get my drift.

19. All your best ideas appear in the shower and are gone by the time you get out.

20. The most important one: You Write. All the time. Nonstop. You can’t breathe unless you are writing. Even if your hands were tied behind your back, you would be composing something in your head.

So, what do you think? Are you a writer? Feel free to add your own symptoms below.

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